To much stress going on.
Can't go back to sleep at near 4am, because I am constantly thinking about stuff and getting depressed enough to think about writing a letter saying good bye. Then walk away and never come back. I know most people would say "What about this person?" It must be bad when you are depressed enough to not care about them anymore.
My dad was put in the hospital, when he left his home, he had no vitals, but somehow he's alive. The people I am keeping in contact with (because I live 100 mile away) aren't really keeping me in the loop and the hospital kept me on hold for near 20 minutes before I gave up.
Why would this bother me considering that he was never part of my life growing up? Maybe because I have had to deal with so much death in the past few years, that anything close to it just bothers me. Don't want to deal with the issues that come with it, trying to figure out how to live without that person or how to cope with the sorrow.
And this is all over a person that everyone would tell me I shouldn't even care about. That is what is confusing me.
Ontop of all this, I was working on someone's website, built it from scratch, just wanted to help the person out. They said they would pay me when they could, and after a year that never happened. Awhile ago I designed a custom graphic for someone who promised me compensation in the form of a gift card and that to has yet to be fulfilled.
So, I am no longer doing work for people unless they give me a deposit. Because I am a graphic designer, I sell digital art, paying me, is saying that you approve of my work, not just telling me "I like it." So far, there is one person I can trust to compensate me for my work. Thank you Bobby for being a woman of your word.
And now I feel sad again. I feel like I reached my breaking point and broke. Oh and if you read this, I am not doing it for attention, I just need to let it all out.
Perhaps I should atleast try to get some sleep.